Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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