Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
