I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
