Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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