roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
