i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
