I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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