3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I wish you could order shots online.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?