I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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