I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize