I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
