My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize