Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm getting married
To pizza
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
