At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
