the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
