No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
