I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
