So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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