Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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