you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
