She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
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If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
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Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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