Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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