Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize