this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
