made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
