I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
