You're my little dorito
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
