real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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