Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My legs feel like baby dolphins
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
