I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
