Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
