There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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