Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
