note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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