it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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