I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
