i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Someone came in the potted fern
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Randomize
