you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
