2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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