how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
