Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
