I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
