After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
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Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
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You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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