2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
