It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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