Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
