I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
