he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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