he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
