I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
