we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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