I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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