just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
