PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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