Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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