we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
