I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
