I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
