Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
